Dear Amy: I dated my boyfriend for 18 months before deciding to move in with him.
I’m in his sixties and he’s in his early sixties.
When I moved in, he gave me his credit card. He said I should write down what I spent and we would each pay half of the total. The plan was to move together into a townhouse he was building. He said I couldn’t be on the house’s bill of sale and all of the furniture in the new townhouse was his. He told me that I should sell my condo and my furniture.
My condo is the only property I have.
He wanted me to give him $ 100,000 from the sale of the condo once it was sold. In return, he said he would take care of me when he died. He started treating me badly and accused me of pushing him into marriage. I didn’t like the idea of not being on the deed, because when she died, her daughter could challenge the will.
I decided not to sell my condo and moved.
Now he wants $ 7,000, he says, which I owe him, from the expenses we incurred on the credit card. I don’t have any extra money, and he knows it. Can he sue me for the money?
He told me he would give me until December to pay him back!
Dear Wondering: Your ex can try to sue you for any reason, but that doesn’t mean he’ll win. He only wins if he can intimidate you with the threat of a lawsuit into giving him money you don’t think you owe him.
You should seek legal advice, but according to my own research, when he gave you his credit card to use, he was in fact violating his own agreement with the credit card company, which states that he is the owner of the card and responsible for paying the balance. If he wanted to share the map, he should have added you as an “authorized user”.
If you believe that you legitimately owe him $ 7,000, then you should repay that amount, perhaps in installments, if you cannot pay the full amount. If you don’t think you owe them that amount, then you need to negotiate how much you’re willing to pay.
However, given his financial quarrels and how your relationship fell apart because of it, if you agree to pay him any money, you should have a written agreement with him and keep careful records.
You have been wise not to become more involved with him.
Dear Amy: My friend and I have planned a trip to Costa Rica to celebrate my birthday.
Initially 10 people signed up to go and we all bought plane tickets.
We booked accommodation and car rentals with 10 people in mind; my friend and I pay most of it, with the agreement that we will all share the cost later.
Today, three weeks before the trip, three people gave up for various individual reasons.
Now I am scrambling to try and cancel rooms and car rentals to keep the cost down, as I had estimated a certain cost thinking of the 10 people, and now there are only seven left.
I don’t think it’s fair for the remaining customers to pay extra, because of those who have dropped out.
Should I ask participants who have dropped out to pay at least part of their bill? And if so, how to ask?
Dear Disappointed: There is usually no charge for canceling or modifying rental car bookings with such long notice. Depending on the service you used to book your rooms, there should also be no charge for canceling rooms.
Those who cancel are obligated to pay for their own plane tickets.
Once you’ve calculated any cancellation fees you’re having, you can reach out to your friends to say, “I’m so sorry you can’t join us. Unfortunately, I have incurred the following costs, which I have just learned are non-refundable. Hope you are ready to pay me back.
Dear Amy: “Torn” suffered from early-onset Alzheimer’s disease and didn’t want to tell his sister about it. You agree with her!
You should have told her how selfish she was.
Dear Upset: “Torn” expressed the stress this disclosure would put her, and I supported him. I can’t imagine accusing him of selfishness.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.